Hi Everyone, this is Dr. Indhushree Rajan, clinical psychologist and relationship coach, bringing you the first segment in my 6 part series on Living Consciously.

It’s my hope that this series will encourage you and lead you towards living a more authentic, aware, and empowered life.

So today I want to talk about what it means to live consciously in relationships. I am married, and I will tell you that loving each other, having the same major life values, having interests in common, experiencing passion…all of that is great, and certainly important for having success in dating and marriage…but it’s not enough.

I have found that the one thing that makes all the difference in relationships in conscious communication. What does this mean? It means cultivating and choosing awareness in the things you say, when and how you say them, and taking that extra moment or two–or three–to respond rather than react to what your partner says to you. If you react, you are speaking in defense of a wound, or because of an emotional trigger.

You may also be projecting your past experience of wounding by your partner or someone else onto the current conversation. Responding is more reflective, deliberate, and considered. You take the time to acknowledge, process, and give your answer or your reply.

A response is not a hair trigger or knee jerk answer– it isn’t something you blurt out bc of pain or anger. …So, are you a conscious communicator?

Here are a couple of questions for you to consider: when your partner speaks, are you really listening to what they say and staying present to how they are feeling, or are you steeping in your own feelings and coming up with your answer while they are still talking in the now distant, tuned out background?

Do you cut off your partner while they speak, or are you able to let them finish what they are saying?

Do you need to be right, or do you seek to be heard?

Answer these questions honestly, and you will get some insight into whether you are a responder or a reactor.

Another issue that impacts conscious communication is pain or conflict avoidance vs taking steps towards the eye of the hurricane–because the only way out is through…So you need to accept the relationship–the whole terrain–not just lovely gardens and beaches, but rugged, difficult terrain too.

Relationship is risk–there are no guarantees, and pain will come in relationships, whether intentional or unintentional –but suffering is optional, and depends on your awareness about yourself, and the choices that you make.

Our true selves are revealed in our choices and behaviors–regardless of whether or not we live in conscious awareness.

The difference is that if you do the work to understand your motivations, your wounds, and behavioral tendencies, you can take stock of who you are, own your life direction and choices, and live life in an empowered way–on your terms.